Set boundaries that will strengthen your relationship and stick to them. These agreed-upon guidelines can prevent a lot of relationship stress and make room for more joy.
Finances
Financial matters can put a strain on any relationship. It’s important to discuss your preferences. Create acceptable financial boundaries and hold each other to them and try to prevent any financial disagreements before they happen.
Here are a few questions to get the discussion going:
- Would you loan money to your neighbour, friend, sister or romantic partner?
- Who pays for dates?
- Do you prefer separate bank accounts?
- How much can one of you spend without consulting the other?
Your Past
Everybody has a past. What you choose to divulge is at your discretion unless not doing so presents a direct health or safety risk to the other person. You know yourself best. Unless you are comfortable talking with your partner about certain aspects of your past you are not obligated to do so.
It’s worth discussing things like:
- Are the details of your past relationships off-limits or do you both want to examine each other’s past?
- What do you consider worthy of talking about and what do you think should be left in the past?
Privacy
Does your serious boyfriend have a right to know where you were Saturday night? Should you have access to your partner’s journal? How much privacy is acceptable? Some people want to know every detail, while others prefer more privacy. There is also the question of personal space and what your needs are with respect to alone time.
Some other areas of your relationship where boundaries are important to establish are sexual expression; emotional tolerances such as being yelled at or lied to; and spending time with family and friends.
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Once you’ve both established your boundaries, be careful not to sabotage your efforts with these behaviours:
- A lack of willingness to state your preferences. You’re undermining the whole purpose of having boundaries when you refuse to let your opinions be known. Ask yourself why you’re unwilling to let your partner know what you want.
- Accepting poor treatment or behaviour from your partner. As the saying goes, “you get what you tolerate.” When you tolerate mistreatment, you’ll get more of the same in the future. When you’re willing to accept poor behaviour, your partner may assume that any boundaries you agreed upon are optional.
- Guilt. There are times your partner may be frustrated by the boundaries. That does not cause guilt. Perhaps the boundaries can be revisited, but avoid feeling guilty for something you both agreed upon.
Set boundaries that will strengthen your relationship and stick to them. These agreed-upon guidelines can prevent a lot of relationship stress and make room for more joy.
Remember, boundaries are not set in stone.
People and relationships change so you have to be willing to discuss and make changes as you go along.
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Now I would love to hear from you…
Comment below and share with me what kind of boundaries have you and your partner agreed upon?
How do you feel now that you have agreed upon some healthy boundaries within your relationship?
