Forgiveness – How to Get There

You may want to be able to forgive – to release the anger that’s dominating your thoughts and making your stomach churn – but you don’t know how to forgive.

Or, perhaps the wrong perpetrated against you was so heinous that forgiveness seems out of the question.

It’s not easy to forgive.

There’s a process you must go through after making a commitment that you’re going to work through your feelings and problems.

When you live with non-forgiveness, you’re separating the darkness in your mind from the light and clarity you could be experiencing.

You may be afraid that if you forgive, you’re “giving in.”

You don’t have to forget the memory of the transgression or let the person who perpetrated it back into your life.

You never have to condone the action or display kindness toward the person.

That’s not what true forgiveness is.

When you practice forgiveness, you’re actually bestowing yourself with much-deserved freedom to get on with your life and give the person who wronged you the least amount of thoughts and time possible.

After you make the decision to forgive, you have to make a commitment to do the work involved.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to reach a state of forgiveness before you’re ready.

The very act of taking the steps to forgiveness can bring so much joy and happiness in your life that you’ll begin almost immediately to reap the benefits.

The best way you can begin to forgive is to practice controlling your thought process.

When negative thoughts of revenge and anger first appear, practice kicking them out immediately and replace them with positive thoughts – of doing something for yourself, of taking back control of your thoughts and of improving your life.

Spend your energy in positive ways rather than dwelling on past, hurtful instances.

Keep in mind that you’re not making the transgression “okay” if you choose not to think about it.

You’re trading the harm that the thoughts are causing in your energy and life for a more abundant and happy life.

Put your victimization in the past rather than living with it and refuse to spend your life in frustration, anger and denial.

Being a victim may have actually become comfortable for you because you don’t have to make decisions if you hold on to the past.

You have to work past that comfort and take action to get your life back.

If I may, I would like to share a story with you that changed my life and the way I looked at my relationship with my Mom in the past.

I grew up feeling unloved, rejected, abandoned, and robbed. You see, my Mom had a really rough life and she had a really hard time letting go of the past.

My Mom had a lot of unforgiveness in her heart, from all the people who have done her wrong – and there was a LOT!

That being said, she adopted some unhealthy habits to numb her pain and try and help her to escape it.

Long story short, she passed away from an overdose when I was 19 years old.

I was so ANGRY! I was filled with so much GUILT!

The last conversation I had with my Mom, was horrific and I said some things to her that I could never take back (power of life & death is in the tongue and I experienced this first hand).

I was angry with her for not loving me the way I needed to be loved.

I was angry that she made me grow up faster than I wanted to, I mothered my Mom more times than I can count.

I was angry that she left us, without a care in the world. My little sister and brother were 8 yrs and 11 yrs old, my older brother was 22 yrs old.

I was so angry that I started sabotaging all of the relationships around me, unconsciously of course. I didn’t realize what I was doing this till years later.

Then, I had a moment with God. I was a new Christian at this time and I was in this beautiful place of worship.

When I felt this prompting in my heart that I needed to forgive my Mom, I argued and said that I had already done so.

God, encouraged my heart but denied my defence. He said I hadn’t forgiven her yet. Then I had a movie real of past events come flooding my memory.

I broke down and started bawling. I can’t believe that I had been so cold.

I thought I needed to hang on to the offence, you know the ones where I was orphaned and rejected, where I wasn’t loved or kept safe from abuse.

I figured, I needed to hang on to these things so I always had something in my suitcase to blame for all my screwed up decisions in life. My get out of jail card!

I had a sobering revelation, that my mom DID love me. Maybe not the way I needed her to, but the only way she knew how.

You see, my mom gave all that she had with what she was given. In the big picture, she gave me everything she knew how to give.

With that small shift in my thinking, I was able to forgive her (even though she wasn’t here to accept it).

This big step in my life, brought me to a place of peace and compassion.

I am not saying that the things I went through are OK, I’m just saying I now understand and I don’t have to have them steal my joy any longer.

Forgiving my Mom was the first step towards, forgiving myself and my abusers.

This process didn’t happen overnight for me, it honestly has taken YEARS!

If I can do this, I believe you can too!

Don’t let “unforgiveness” continue to steal from you! 

Let Go & Let God

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