It’s especially difficult to forgive someone you’ve loved and trusted – especially if there’s no remorse shown or apology offered.
But, holding onto resentment, anger and negative thoughts won’t enact the revenge you may think you want.
Only forgiveness, moving on and releasing the negative feelings and thoughts can provide what you want and need.
The first step in planning your forgiveness journey is to commit to the process.
It’s going to involve change and active participation from your mind and body to release the ponderous thoughts and feelings you’re now burdened with.
Sometimes, it will seem almost impossible to release the grip that anger and resentment has on you, but once you begin the process you’ll realize how important and freeing it will be.
Here are some things to consider in the beginning stage of forgiveness:
- Stop seeing yourself as a victim. The longer you see yourself as a victim who has been wronged, the more difficult it is to see yourself as in control. Being the victim puts the perpetrator in control – and you don’t want that.
- Think about the transgression. Why have you reacted to it so strongly and how has it affected your life and well-being so far? Some offences are so appalling that the memory will remain with you forever. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t let go of the harmful feelings attached to it.
- Ask yourself how forgiveness can help you in your life right now. What difference will it make to rise each morning and have esteem-building and other positive thoughts race through your mind instead of the harmful thoughts of the hurtful situation?
- Choose to forgive for yourself. It’s you who are suffering and feeling trapped in a web of horrible thoughts about revenge on the other person. Choose to forgive and let go to rid your mind of those thoughts and gain clarity for the future.
Without a forgiveness state of mind, you’ll be the one who pays the price.
Victimizing yourself over and over again by reliving the situation and constant thoughts of revenge can wreak havoc on your mind and body – sending you into a possible depressive or anxious state or affecting your blood pressure, heart and immune system.
Carefully plan your journey of forgiveness just as you would navigate moving around in a city or area you’re unfamiliar with.
You’ll need a detailed map that shows exactly where you are on the journey and how you get to the next milestone.
Journalling can assist you as you start your journey, writing out the questions asked above will assist you as you process the offense and help you make the right choices for the future!